Uncovering Your Money Story: 4 Handy Tips
We all have beliefs about money. Whether it is a good (or bad) memory, a particular lived experience that has somehow stuck with you over the years, or the opinions that we inherited from our parents and culture of origin, money stories are as abundant and unique as there are human beings. In this article, I’ll explain what a Money Story is and give a few handy tips to uncover yours today.
When I finally met Claudia in IRL, she took her time to explain that she and her money were definitely not BFFs, but at least they had a working relationship. She had never had massive student debt to pay off, she was earning a good salary and, most importantly, 90% of her bills got paid on time and in full (the only misfit being the occasional car repair expense that always came out of nowhere).
From a numbers perspective, she was doing well. Major bills got paid, the kitchen table always had food, and her kids could enjoy a few extracurricular activities here and there. While it was true that her 401K was nowhere near its limit and her regular contributions weren’t huge, mainstream financial standards consistently screamed at her “Girl, you’ve got this”.
Except that satisfaction or peace of mind never felt within reach, like a real thing. Despite her high salary, Claudia felt that she was living paycheck to paycheck. Yes, she could cover all her bills without much struggle, but paying those off didn’t provide any sense of relief. Money worries were a consistent part of her everyday train of thought, from increased grocery prices to inflation rates that felt like a personal insult. Her subscription to Bloomberg and Morningstar, which allowed her to receive a daily email with the latest financial news and access to detailed Stock Reports, triggered an anxious response every time she checked her inbox at 9.30 am sharp, just before her first meeting of the day.
And yet, Claudia’s belief remained firm: she did not have a problematic relationship with money. She was doing well, she was moving forward. Yes, money thoughts gave her no respite, but that was because she had an anxious personality, prone to overreact and overthink about pretty much everything. Her money beliefs (was that even a real, scientifically proven thing?) had nothing to do with it, right?
Well, not exactly. Here’s why.
We all have Money Stories (yes, everyone).
Money is a universal tool. There is no single human being on this planet that can refrain from using money to cover the necessities of everyday life, from basic things, such as food and shelter, to lifestyle choices, such as shouldering the latest online streaming subscription, all your skill training (and other learning opportunities), or personal development.
And just because we have all interacted with money throughout our lives, we all have an opinion about it.
You may think of money as an uber-complex topic that only a Finance graduate can grasp properly. Or a real party crasher that always manages to kill every conversation, regardless of who is asking the questions. Even if your beliefs around money aren’t negative, one fact remains: you still have them –it’s just that you are not aware of having them (the irony of ironies: even folks who claim to “not have” any beliefs about money… are stating a belief when declaring neutrality #takethat).
A Money Story, then, is a collection of beliefs, past lived experiences, and cultural expectations that shape the way you think and behave around money. Whether you’re aware of the core elements of your story or not, these beliefs still define the way you think and behave when money is involved in the equation. If your Money Story is limiting (for example, you believe that “Money doesn’t grow in trees”), and you suddenly find yourself in a tough employment situation, where you barely manage to make ends meet, your limiting Money Story will likely add an extra layer of stress to an already tough situation.
Why is being aware of your Money Story so important?
Now, don’t get me wrong. Having a Money Story is not a bad thing, at all. We humans hold beliefs about pretty much everything, doing it is more than normal. The problem is that most of us are not aware of what these beliefs or stories are, or how they look like. When this happens, we are prone to go through life using money in a way that might not feel very authentic or aligned, just as it happened to Claudia.
We might have good jobs, a steady income, and excel in other areas of our lives, but when it comes to finances things get… slippery. We say we are going to spend less, save more, take our retirement planning more seriously, or live more frugally, but when it is finally time to act and enforce some changes our initial good intentions seldom become concrete actions.
If we don’t know what the contents of our Money Stories are and how they came to be, change tends to elude us. Uncovering our Money Stories is important because the act of digging deep allows us to finally understand what drives our daily behaviors. Suddenly, a clear picture of who we are (and why we behave in the way we do) takes shape right in front of our eyes.
But the first step to get there is doing the detective work that will allow us to see our actions clearly, with renewed awareness.
If this detective work is something that you might be interested in trying out, here are some good suggestions to get you started.
Uncovering your Money Story: 4 handy tips
As you may probably know already, I am a BIG fan of frameworks with clear, defined steps. Here are the 4 thinking prompts that I like to use to get my creative juices flowing:
- Observe yourself around money. What’s the first thought that pops into your head whenever you have to take out your wallet? What are your physical reactions? Do you have a recurring thought? Do you feel yourself tensing out of nowhere? Be as specific as possible.
- Deep dig down memory lane. If you are a regular listener of the podcast, you know that asking my guests about their earliest money memory is my way to go. Something magical happens when you think about past lived experiences around money with the power of hindsight on your side. Important conversations get recalled, seemingly insignificant events acquire new relevance, and patterns emerge.
- Reflect on your most common indulgence purchase. You know, that thing you always end up buying whenever you have some extra cash around. Is it hair care products? Makeup and facial treatment serums? Stationery? Books? Venti soy lattes? We all have a few purchases like these. Once define what this item is, think: why this item and not another? What are the positive associations your brain always evokes when this item is present?
- Reflect on your payday behaviors. What happens when your bi-monthly check finally hits your account? What’s the first thing you do? What’s the first thing you think? How does looking at that number make you feel?
Once you have your responses lined up, create a paragraph for each one of them and look for patterns. Are there any commonalities that jump out of the page? Keep an open mind and listen to your intuition.
Uncovering your Money Story is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. There are no right or wrong answers here. After all, it’s YOUR STORY. Only you know what’s relevant and what isn’t.
If you would like to pursue even further the process of uncovering your deepest held beliefs around money, don’t forget to check out my book, Her Money Matters: The Missing Truths from Traditional Money Advice to reclaim ownership of your financial life.
Have you started to get clear on what are the core elements of your Money Story? I would love to know! Leave a comment below and tell me all about it.