A Mini-Guide To Better Money Conversations With Your Partner
“Discussing money matters with my partner is always a walk through the park!” said no one ever (not even the we-share-everything kind of couple). Although with time (and tons of practice) money conversations with your partner can feel less triggering (if not downright intimidating) a blunt truth remains: talking about money with your significant other is indeed a necessity, but that doesn’t mean that first “talk” will be effortless. If you are up to the challenge, I’ll share four essential tips to kickstart that money conversation with your partner with the right foot in this week’s article. Ready to dig in?
When it comes to the top reasons people give to file for a divorce, the stats don’t lie: a study led by researchers at the University of Denver revealed that 55.6% of participating couples said “financial problems” were their main motivation for untying the knot.
Although that stat doesn’t surprise me anymore, what still gets me is how many couples feel unprepared to have regular, open conversations about daily money dealings and financial expectations. Yes, we might be in 2025, but no matter how we face it, money still feels like a touchy, taboo-ish subject. This is especially true if your relationship is somewhat newish, you don’t follow “traditional” partnership roles, or you don’t feel a “real” pressing need to talk about money matters (maybe you don’t share a household, or every time you go out the bills get split evenly).
And yet, conversations with your significant other about money cannot and should not be avoided. Things like how long you’ve been together, the status of your relationship, or how well you think you know each other hold little to no weight in this fact. If you are not having real (and, ideally, honest) conversations about money with your partner, you’re in for a future surprise.
Why Money Conversations With Your Partner Should Be a Priority.
From my own lived experience and what I have observed from others over 15+ years working in this industry, I’ve come to realize a simple thing: what you resist tends to persist. Or, in other words, all those “concerns” that may not be a full deal-breaker (but still bother you) don’t just magically disappear whenever you refuse to acknowledge them out loud. This is particularly true when it comes to relationship matters.
Just think about the last time your significant other did something that annoyed you mildly –not so much that you felt an open callout was justified, but not so little that their behavior went unnoticed. Just the right amount of annoyance, if you will. Picture the occasion in your mind and try to recall as many details as possible.
Once you visualize this, answer the following question: did that mild “annoyance” ever return to them as a side remark, a passive-aggressive reaction, or even a full-blown lash-out? This is the time to be 100% honest with yourself –no one will judge you and no one will have to know. I bet all my sandwiches that the underlying annoyance didn’t just disappear one day.
The Consequences of “Not Talking About This.”
And that’s why keeping silent and never voicing your opinion never works out well. When these issues get a spot in the never-ending queue of “things we don’t really talk about in this house”, resentments start to brew. Then at some point, when life sends an unexpected curveball in your way, you find yourself losing ground to a seemingly invisible force. You end up stuck in a situation where you don’t have the bandwidth to address the problem in a neutral or non-aggressive way (even if you are not an irritable person by nature. Don’t discount the power of stress).
Yes, those “tiny issues” might not feel like the end of the world when they happen (after all, no one has ever suffered horrendous consequences for not hitting their monthly budget target every other month), but still. If those things still rub you the wrong way at the end of the day, ignoring them won’t make them magically disappear.
Are you ready to start addressing those “tiny” issues (money included) more constructively? Then here’s starter advice that will set you up for success.
Starting the Money Conversation: Four Essential Tips.
If you have been meaning to initiate a conversation about money with your partner, but every time the occasion pops up something inside you crawls and hides, the following tips may be just what you need to proceed:
- Tip #1: Accept that money is not a set-and-forget topic. Unlike signing a contract, where you only have to read, understand, and accept the terms of the agreement once, money talk is an ongoing thing. You will always be revisiting it and reassessing the situation in light of new financial events/circumstances/findings. This is totally normal and to be expected.
- Tip# 2: Embrace the conflict. Money is a triggering topic, which means the underlying possibility of raising some conflict will always be there. Again, if you want to have an honest, down-to-earth conversation, you have to acknowledge this. If your partner reacts defensively or in ways that seem “out of the norm”, don’t panic. As long as you keep your recurring conversations going, the less triggering conflict will be.
- Tip #3: Schedule quiet time for this conversation, but don’t overdo it. We all remember those times in middle school when the teacher asked us to stay around for a few minutes after class… right at the beginning of the period! Not only did you feel called out –you probably spent the whole period worrying about what was so important that it required such a call-out. This is what you want to avoid with your partner: don’t tell them “Hey, tonight we need to speak” just a few minutes before leaving for work. It will freak them out.
- Tip #4: Give yourself (and your partner) some room to breathe. Pick a neutral spot to have “the talk”. The goal is to find a moment when both of you feel safe and at ease, but again, avoid overdoing it. You don’t have to make this a significant, relationship turning point event. This is especially true if your partner isn’t a big-talk-fan. Always adjust on the way.
Wrapping Things Up: Money Conversations with Your Partner Are a Must.
Even if the idea gives you a bad case of jitters, avoiding such a crucial topic is never the solution. If you leave with only one takeaway let it be this: unless you are in a relationship with an investment banker, talking about all things money with your partner is unlikely to feel easy or “natural”, and that’s ok. However, creating a safe space for opening up about finances and expectations is probably among the top 10 things you can do to keep a healthy relationship. Are you willing to give it a try?